Hi folks. I'm a new nova and I'm going to be making my debut soon on a live-broadcast exhibition match, called 'East Beats West.' It's an XWF-type show, and it's a meeting between the rosters of the eXtreme Warfare Federation and a Japanese TV show called Most Excellent Super Fight. It's taking place at the Calgary Saddledome (yeah, it's shaped like a saddle, and yes, our civic planners are dumber than cacti) and it's on Tuesday, April the 8th.

Due to the contract I signed I can't let anyone take my picture or talk much about what I can do or where I come from, since the big selling point is the debut of three never-seen-before novas. But I think it's gonna be something everybody's gonna remember for a long time to come. My roommate manager C.F. says I should try gorilla marketing or whatever that's called by talking it up on opnet sites, so here I am. I hope I didn't come off as too pushy.

It's 'guerrilla', kid, and I'm pretty sure this counts as 'viral marketing', but all the same, good luck on your match. I'll be sure to be watching.

I'll watch it, if I've got all my chores done by the time it comes on.

This isn't usually my sort of thing, but now that you've posted I'll probably watch it.

I'll tune in. Who you up against?

My dad loves XWF. I'll have him tune in for sure!

You are not pushy, Knockout; it is natural that you would post about something that you seem to enjoy doing. It is also natural to come to your peers and ask those of us who appreciate the same thing to come watch you perform your art.

I thank you for the offer, but will not be watching. I don't enjoy such events.

A new guy called the Burninator!

I don't know if he can be arrowed, or sworded.

Gotta go get ready! You'll see me soon.

Oh yeah, your ass certainly WAS on TeeVee.

Thanks, Peaches.

Wow. How mortifying.

I'm in love.

....

The KJV Bible doesn't quite cover this situation...

Sorry about the embarrassing little cock-up, there, Knockout. For what it's worth, I think you just gained yourself a whole different and probably much larger cadre of fans.

Also, daaamn.

oh god

i wanna die

shoot me dead

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

What? You've got world-class tits, an ass to die for and a pretty little pussy. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of. And hey, you still won!

Bill's crass, love, but he's damn right. Sure, it's embarrassing now, but trust me, it'll all turn to your advantage as it gets sorted out. If anyone has anything to worry about from a litigious angle, it's Burninator and the XWF, not you. The look on your face - and I'm sorry to say, there are a few hundred photo stills available just about anywhere you care to look - make it pretty apparent you weren't expecting your little wardrobe malfunction.

The way you're dealing with this is pretty adorable. I think you just became my new favorite nova.

They say my fight purse ought to have enough left in it to pay off my student loans (almost) after the fines and the suits from the heart palpitations people are done. I guess there's that.

I'm sorry, I'm really sensitive and pissy right now. It's been a really weird week. I'd bang my head against a wall but I don't want to have to pay for the dent I'd leave.

Yeah, it must really suck being one of the few hyper-evolved heirs to Humanity. You'll get over it hon.

And to think I turned down an offer to run guest commentary on that show. That will teach me. If the legals are giving you a hard time still, let the XWF suits know that I'll run commentary on a few of their events free of charge if they're willing to back off you and waive those fines. I don't care if it's MNM or one of their monthly Main Events. Let me know.

Wanna bang against something else?

Careful Bill, she might leave a dent...

Very funny everybody

Aww, why the long face?

Leave the poor girl alone; she's obviously had a bad time.

This is me being nice!

I'm not used to having girl parts, is all. Everyone did read that article about me, right? Where my pea-brained roommate-slash-manager let it slip that he thinks he turned me female?

Cue half the men on the forum (and Flicker) offering you to help break them in.

So you switched teams when you erupted? That's just the coolest thing ever. If you ever need any advice on their care and feeding, let me know.

I mean that seriously. It's not a weird come-on.

Well, I mean, I am interested and all that, but I can defer that for now. You know, friends first? Also, I can give fashion tips.

It's fun being right all the time.

No, not that kind of care and feeding, mysterious dude. I mean hygeine. It's trickier than you might think.

I know all about the care and feeding of vaginas, love, having had a few in my time. And I know exactly what you meant, subtext and all, which is why I said what I did.

Also, "mysterious dude"? I wasn't aware there was any secrecy about me, 'strobing, lecherous bird'.

You're totally mis-reading me, which is funny considering you're a PI.

It's cute the way you keep dissembling like that even after you've been made. Keep it up, love, you might convince anyone who hasn't been paying attention to the bulk of what you've written on this forum.

You are a bitter, bitter man.

Oh, behave, love, I'm just taking the piss. Mostly, anyhow.

Of course, you ain't wrong about me, either, but what of it? We can't all be cookies and pie.

I'm still young and innocent. Don't project your drives onto me.

Snerk. Now who's taking the piss?

Oh shit. You're a guy?

Okay, never mind then.

I was. Obviously I'm not anymore. I gave myself a once-over with an anatomy textbook and x-ray vision. (And yes, I can see through someone's clothes. But my mom would know. And she would kill me.)

Thanks, uh, for the offer, Flicker, and maybe I'll take you up on the fashion stuff, but right now I don't want to be 'broken in.' I'm not a baseball glove. I'm trying really hard not to think about it right now, to be honest. I have enough on my chest.