Dear Losers and Future Losers alike,
In the wake of the recent death of Jennifer Landers, people all over the world and all over the OpNet have started spoiting all sorts of ridiculous conspiracy theories about the great, stamping juggernaut that is Project Utopia. I've gotten at least 50 OpNet hits here at work every day since thesotry broke, and believe me, the htheories are many and varied. In fact, the plethora of, shall we say... inspired commentary on the subject has even motivated me to state one salient (and heretofore unexpressed) fact about this world in which we live. That fact is: OpNet access should be restricted to those who graduated university more handily than the average slack-jawkd Pass/Fail proto-simian with a free OpNet-provider handle.
If I get one more "slider was killed by agnet pontius" letter, I'm going to go postal (look it up) and mail the lot of you a proto-Y2k bomb under a phony news server heading. I mean if you can't even spell yur conspiracy theory drivel correctly, you don't deserve the extra three percent mental-variation that makes you different from the chimpanzee. Let me ay out the facts once and for all, just to set this whole Project Utopia comnspiracy mess to rest.
1) No, Utopia did not murder Jennifer Landers. She was killed in Calcutta on assignment for Utopia by a nova who was most likely working for the Teragen. Evidence states that her attacker was someone she knew,but she knew plenty of people outside of Project Utopia.
2) No, Utopia is not bogging down the investigation into who this nova was. Sometimes murderers (especially those who claim high-profile victims) prefer to keep their heads low, which makes investigating their whereabouts proceed somewhat slowly.
3) No, Andre Corbin is not an embattled patriot striving to keep one step ahead of some cloak-and-dagger circle of men in black. He's a loud-mouth, soccer-playing Scottish screw-off, who's likely incapable of murdering someone like Slider, much less outwitting (or some would say masterminding) some conspiracy designed to make it seem as if he had.
4) No, Utopia is not your next-door neighbor, your mailman, your uncle or that creepy guiy at work who keeps looking at you funny. The folks running Project Utopia hae better things to do than take covert pictures of you picking your nose and scratching your ass. They're not pulling any government strings, and they do not have the UN in their back pocket. Familiarity and intimacy (such as Project Utopia has won for itself) does not directly infer control. Ask your ex what that last part really means.
5) No, Utopia did not blow up the Galatea. Jesus, People!
6) No, everybody's favorite people, the novas, are not Utopia's secret army of ubermensch, out to seize power in the name of Baron von Pipedreamin. I don't care how much money or influence you think you have, you ain't rich enough or connected enough to control seven thousand men and women who can fly, walk in space, shoot laser beams and throw space shuttles -- accurately. Think about it; it just doesn't work that way.
Now, I know that abouyt half of you are reading this and thinking, "Well of course, Devon. I'm glad I'm not one of the wack-jobs you're preaching to." In fact, the only reason you're even bothering to read this is because you like that smug, peering-over-the-rim-of-your-glasses feeling you get when you agree with something a lot of people obviously don't. To those of you in that camp, I say, "Bravo. Now get on with your life and stop snuffing around reading this site (or watching Two Minutes Hate ) like an opinion-sycophant."
Unfortunatley, that says nothing for the rest of you. You're all the types who have nothing better to do than read this mess or watch XWF ("No, its REAL, I tell you!" /sigh/), so there's really not much I can say to you except:
It's entirely possible that Utopia funds this site privately and I'm being paid under the table for sayng all this.
Happy spook-hunting, losers.
- Devon Works (SliderFetish@unca.edu)
Edited by Nova OOC (07/22/08 01:02 PM)
Edit Reason: This post has been removed from the 200X OpNet IC forum. No character "Devon Works" has been registered in the setting.