Okay, I never thought I'd say this... But starting today, untill sometime in april or may I will spend less time on most of the IC boards. Why? 1: To focus more on my duties with the Awards Commitee (In other words the N! Awards thread.), All the fictions I will soon be participating in shortly, and to finish the fiction I'm in with Ronin. This will also recharge my batteries creatively for a HUGE and SECRET project I'm working on with a regular visitor here at N! Prime. Endeavor's crazy self might return to the IC boards on occasion, but as you can see in recent events (over the past month or so), you can see I've not been up to snuff lately. I need a break. I also got to get Silvertalon going on some threads. I think he's slightly overwhelmed by what goes on around here, so I'm going to help him get his jitters out. Well, off to the races. Trust me, you won't be missing me.
-Endeavor, out.
PS: Trust me, it's not bye bye time for me. Not by a long shot.

Okay, perhaps I might poke into the IC boards every once in a while... I have never really known the meaning of the word "vacation".

You'll be missed.

Glad to see you're too Type-A to quit cold turkey, though. ^_^

.ronin

Well, just to update the Fanboys and girls out there, one down, 2 to go... The XWF should be cake hopefully. I have some doubts due to my technical limitations here at the rancho-del-nutcase. But, hopefully things will work out. Untill then, I got things to do, people to see, youma to slay.

*Grins*

You see? There I go thinking I'm playing Demon Hunter X again... Heheh... The Kuei-Jin never stood a chance...

O.O;

Okay... Wrong world... I bet next I'd be harping on about paradox or some tripe like that... -.-

Oh well, just letting all you guys know, I think I have more time on my hands than originally thought. So, I guess my worries were a little exaggerated...

So... GAME ON!

Okay, it looks like I'm going to have to dissapear for a while. At least for a month. The XWF project is speeding up, and I have to focus on that. If my game as of late seems to be slipping, it's because I'm trying to get that out of the way. I'll be sticking strictly to fictions for a bit, and one thread I started VERY recently. Plus I'll still be monitoring the N! Awards thread. I'm just trying not to burn out.

So, here's the schedule:

TKI Spring Catalog,

XWF

Possible fiction with Tum Tum

Another possible space trip

Anything else goes here.




Seeyas!

I give you three days maximum before your back and posting. Like Ronin said; type-A personality.



<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Not this time, Widget. My only posts will be on "Got Space?" I might make a fic off of that journey (Should have had one for Europa...)

I haven't been to sharp lately. That's what caused the incident that has our two characters at each other's throats. I slipped WAY out of character. I think Endeavor needs a few diversions. I on the other hand have things I NEED to get focussed on FAST!

Oh, when the XWF gets rolling at top speed, Endeavor may be quite absent on the IC boards.

Yeah, dealing with the in game ramifications of what seems like a small thing as a player is an occupational danger sometimes.

I found myself behind the power curve recently after being out with flu for a couple of days. Major stress and then suddenly the project I working on was done thanks to the other good people involved and now I can play a little.

Time off to play a little is a good thing.

Take what you need and enjoy. I still give you three days before you slide back into the opnet for an RP fix but do it when it feels fun.

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Actually, Endeavor having a nervous breakdown would be the only fix I can see. I can see the tabloids now: "Nova Wonderkind in funny farm!" "Sakurako goes WHACKO!"

You think that about fits Endeavor's current mental state?


BTW: All the angry is in character only. OOC, I have nothing but love for ya.

Back at you, hon.

Bear in mind I've only interacted with E a relatively short time but... I've noticed she has a tendency to shift her positions abruptly, sometimes to diametrically opposed positions from her previous, and over short periods of time. I thought you were playing her that way as a personality trait until I read the story you co-authored with Ronin.

On breakdowns - the argument could be made that E-chan has already had the nervous breakdown and this is the result. Which gives the roleplay fun of recovering.

What do you want to do?

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Well, you could find her all wide eyed and spaced out with her laptop jacked into a land line. Typing incessantly.

Sorry about the shiftyness. I need to find a center before I can RP again. I mean, I almost backed out on Chosen when he's bending over backwards for me with this whole XWF thing.

Take the time you need and find your balance. It's always there, we just misplaced it sometimes.

I picture E as losing it by literally becoming one of the characters from her beloved animes. Or maybe several.

For therapy, her trip into space might be ideal. They're literally going out where the race won't be able to follow for another hundred years and even then only with alien intervention. Lots of real life danger and adventure. Might be theuraputic for her.

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Sorry...

I just had a picture of E running around with red hair, screaming for someone named Shinji and talking about how much she loves to be a pilot.

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Actually I've already invisioned a 2 week period where Endeavor doesn't post (Starting around 3 or 4 am CST. today.) During this time, Endeavor has her breakdown, shutting herself from reality ENTIRELY. When she comes back, she'll act like she never said those things. Selective Amnesia. And when she reads what she's said, oh boy is she going to eat crow...

Or how's about this one:

Endeavor dyes her hair black and starts walking around with a red cape, asking if peope have seen this man (And holds a picture of Pax) oh, did I mention she's weilding a rusty sword, and has a temporary tattoo of the king of hearts on her right hand?

God I love G Gundam!

New name and personality or just pretend it didn't happen? What actually happens when someone points out an old thread or a quotes her back to herself? Does she assert hackers or realize something is wrong?

Hey, didn't Endeavor have a younger sister that was killed by some smugglers? Might be interesting for Sakurako to become that little sister. Given the nature of nodes and taint, from a certain point of view E could really become the little sister to the extent that she believes she is therefore she is.

Can't you just imagine Ronin or someone searching for the missing Endeavor and seeking to unravel the mystery of the now living sister while the answer is staring them in the face?



Gundam: ROFL!

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Or what if she became the person she hated most over the next 2 weeks? As in HER MOTHER?

Then, after she snaps out of it, OH MAN will there be some HEAT!

Sakurako will be completely normal, but she'll be looked at WAY differently.

You know what, I'm running with it. Endeavor snaps... Now.

Ewww!

Whatever way you decide to go you might want to take a moment to decide what the condition says about E. If she becomes her mother is it because of;

- Insecurity causing her to become the only strong person she thinks her mother would ever respect.

- Self loathing, causing her to become the person she can feel better about hating.

- Etc...

What she does says something about her personality and limits. You'll want to decide that in advance because you KNOW someone will point it out to her after the fact.

I'm not so sure that people would really look at E differently after a short period though. She already plays games showing people what she wants them to see of her personality. The troll, the hacker, the anime heroine... etc.

For those just looking on and not interacting with E personally and in person it might seem like same stuff, different day. Just really odd instead of only a little odd.

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Sorry, you posted the last while I was still replying to the previous. If you really do decide to go with it I still think you need to know exactly what it says about E that she would subconsciously choose this though.

Unlike taint which is partly out of the control of the nova, purely psychological disorders have their roots in the personality and thought processes of the individual.

Something I've noticed about this place is that people will draw conclusions based on what a character says or does not necessarily what the character provides as an explanation. Kind of like what happened with Widget and Endeavor.

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

I'm exactly aware of that, but the thing that brings her back will be a friend. Well, namely, Silvertalon. It's an excuse to get him involved. I promised Shawn I'd get him in on a fic. Perhaps successfully pulling Endeavor back to us would be quite an accomplishment?

I gotta go, I'm only going to post once IC as Dr. Hitomi Hino. She won't respond to anything else. I'm staying OOC now. I want to play this through, it's too good to drop.

Yes, but that she would do this says something about Endeavor no matter how you slice it. Knowing what that is in advance will make the after effects easier to deal with.

What are you going to do if people like Dr. Hino more though?

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

...True.

But this is a 1 post IC pony. Everyone will be thinking WTF?!? I've already made the post.

I'm going to dissapear now. for a week. I got to get to working on this. I will answer PMs only.

Going stealth mode...

Hopefully I can pull Shawn of Evercrack long enough to pull Endeavor out.

Of course, there is the interesting point that so few people here have pointed out - What the hell is Teknokat going to think about this? Endeavour is still technically an Employee. Going on an extended sabbatical is going to be noticed.

Enough, perhaps, to get her involved...

Other point - E's Mum has posted on the board - They've had a few conversations in front of the Opnet Crew...

Now there's an interesting idea. Let's ship her off to the nice people in Bahrain for therapy.

I'll provide the stamps for international postage. Anybody have a box that we can drill air holes in?



<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

TK shouldn't have to worry. She's already assigned her to a project she dosen't have to be at Teknokat Towers for. Unfortuantely, Endeavor has had a breakdown, and it'll take a week for her to get back completely to her senses. Even then, she'll have to work lightly. Teknokat and Endeavor may have to have a conversation after this. Probably a lecture about biting off more than you can chew...
BTW, the Catalog is almost complete... Well, my part of it at least. I'll be sending it on Saturday.

Hang on a moment... E's going to have a nervous breakdown, become her mother and then a week later is going to be back to normal?

I thought you were looking for ways to change E?



<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

No, Endeavor didn't completely become her. She... Well... Let's just say Endeavor "crashed" before her personality could split. Right now, the two sides of her are probably having a conversation... a heated one. Eventually the two conflcting personalities will gel back into the Endeavor that wasn't a pretentious prick. A new personality is forming. Or actually, evolving. Right now, Endeavor is trying to sort things out mentally. I guess the physiological reasoning behind it is that her node did a "reboot" on her. She's now "de-fragging" and will soon wake up out of her semi-unconcious state. Endeavor's personality afterward well, you'll have to see. Alot of people will recognise her. It's just my way of getting her back on track. Endeavor only changed the ID on her account. It was sort of a last chance for her to send out a distress signal to anyone that would listen.


Endeavor broke down before the other personality took form. Endeavor is now fighting off a potential split personality...

And Ronin came running to help her.

The reason I brought the question up is that you like to play E as a trickster. There are going to be be those that are sympathetic but there will also be those who chalk it up to E trolling again and just increasing the drama queen factor a couple of notches. Like you said before; it's in character.

My impression is that you're comfortable with E's personality, shiftiness and all, but dislike the way she's perceived by others. *That's* what I thought you wanted to change, how others perceive her.

Damn. Role playing in this place is harder than I thought.

<font face="Times New Roman" size="5" color="#BC47ED">W</font><font face="Times New Roman" size="2"><font color="#D673FF">idget,</font><font face="Comic Sans MS" size="1">

Yep.

Endeavor is having the same problem Jager has had in the past. The character is played the way the player want's to play. The player has a very specific idea as to what the character is and how they should be perceived. That's not how it works though. I see Endeavor and Jager and Widget and all others as they come across and are then interpreted by me. That interpretation is based on my personality, my likes, my dislikes, etc. Endeavor the player has expressed frustration at how she is perceived, but that isn't going to change drastically unless Endeavor changes drastically. And even then, Endeavor can't control how the perceptions are going to change. She can't just say "Hey, I've changed and grown." and expect people to treat her as if she has. Now, this is in no way a condemnation of the charater or player Endeavor. Actually, I find the character pretty enjoyable. It's just unfortunate that the character Prodigy, pompous prick that he is, rarely sees any reason to interact with her.

It happens to everyone. When I played Vile Bill it was never my intention for it to appear that he had a crush on Ashnod or Apep. But another player pointed it out to me that the crush was obvious. Obvious to him at least. Never my intention, but I decided to run with it. Jordan saw Vile Bill as having honor and sensitivity that I never intended. I always thought he was pretty much a dick and that was it. But, a large part of any of these characters that we play are what others see in them and not what we want them to be. We can try to play them in such a way that our desires will be fulfilled in how they are seen and treated by others here, but it always doesn't work out that way.

It can be frustrating. I've spoken to players who, in my opinion, have role played characters excellently, creating a persona who has a level of expertise and power in a given field. However, other players haven't seen it that way and have reacted in such a way as to utterly nullify the self-image of that character. It's made for a frustrating experience I am sure.

So, maybe it would be a good idea for us to open ourselves up to some honest feedback. Post our character's images as we see them . State how we believe this character should honestly be viewed by other characters. Then accept the feedback as to how the characters really come across. I know it's pretty metagamey, but it could help the roleplaying out. Eliminate some kinks and smooth out the road. Any takers?

Actually, the reason why I'm doing this is quite frankly I went WAY off course with Endeavor. She shouldn't have been toing what she's been doing lately. I have been COMPLETELY out of character ever since my hiatus back in January. Ever since I have not been the same. I've been irratable to other players, and been nearly disruptive with outbursts. I haven't been able to focus at all and have been going WILDLY in all directions. This will give me a chance to finally give Endeavor a personality. Ronin doesn't have to go and save Endeavor, She must save herself. Then she has to deal with the consequences of her recent actions. No one but her can deal with that.

Widget, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was going in a different direction. It was 3 in the morning and I needed to get to bed. So I rattled off a quick post that I didn't realize the consequences of.

I play Endeavor off the other players, it's just that recently I have not been performing very well.

I have actually been considering retiring Endeavor all together, but then I have changed my mind. I've got tons of miles left to cover. I'll just have to play along better with you guys.

Oh god, Widget is right... The pain... I so want to post...

Three things I've thought.

1: Endeavor's node. She does have one after all? What if, there was a failsafe she triggered when she snapped? Allowing her to recover faster from a mental trauma like a nervous breakdown?
2: Her current zoned state is a result of Endeavor's node fighting to hold together her psyche which is being knitted together. (Although "Mirror" is a vignette, it takes place from when she first went under, and ends when she finally "awakens")
3: How transformed Endeavor should be from her experience? I intend on perhaps bringing her all the way back to where she should be personality wise, not where she was before this whole thing got started...

As you can see, I'm looking for a way out, because I don't feel I should have been this drastic.

Back to work...

Okay, it seems I zip through here like a bull from a china shop, so here's the deal.

Jordan: I see your point. Yet I try to play off of others. REcently I've had a problem. You see, you remember when I was posting VERY sporadically between January and mid feburary (You remember the whole modem drama right?) I started to forget how to play as Endeavor. Eventually when I got back in, my frustrations with being pent up for so long engulfed the boards. I trolled Widget, Blatently spew technobabble around the place, Start a flame war with Condomble only to become a weak kitten. You see the pattern. I'm lost right now. And I'm looking at two options. 1: Complete retirement of Endeavor and start a new character, or 2: Figure out some way to change her to my needs so I can better play. I chose 2. Why? Because I though Endeavor was coming off as an egotistical ASS. I hate her. I loathe her. She needed to be the Endeavor that got me here. The Endeavor that before the end of 2002 I LOVED playing. Yeah she was timid, yeah she was a little weird at times, but I liked that. Now she's just... blah.

Yes, we should play our character as others see them. Just as we must behave as if we are being judged while we're in public. I so try to do that. Playing off you guys... But... I've lost my way... Either I get back on track now by forcefully taking the helm, or this ship is going under.

The power is mine and mine alone with her. I need to turn this around.