Character Sheet

EXCERPT FROM PRESS RELEASE – 9 NOV 2009 – TEAM TOMORROW

Team Tomorrow North America is pleased to announce the addition of our newest member, Samuel “The Crusader” Hill. A press conference will be held on Friday, November 13th, at 11:00 am EST, introducing The Crusader to the public. We at Team Tomorrow greatly look forward to bringing North America its newest defender.

---------------------

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT – 13 NOV 2009 – PRESS CONFERENCE

Maria Villareal: Ladies and gentlemen, members of the press, I would like to thank you for coming today. As you know, Project Utopia’s Team Tomorrow North America has been a tremendous positive force for the past decade. Under the careful guidance of Project Utopia, these fine men and women have helped to keep the peace, have provided immeasurable help with a long list of public projects, and have worked hard to protect us all from terrorist organizations such as the Teragen.

I am pleased to announce the latest addition to this illustrious roster. Please give a warm welcome to The Crusader!

[Audience: applause, as The Crusader steps out onto the stage and to the podium]

The Crusader: Thank you…thank you very much…thank you…

[Audience: applause fades]

The Crusader: I just can’t tell you all how happy I am to be here today. This is…this is just the best day of my life. And I can promise you all that I will uphold the traditions and honor of Team Tomorrow, because I’m on a crusade for justice!

[Audience: mixed applause and laughter.]

Villareal [Whispered]: Sam, the script…Stick to the script…

The Crusader: Yes, that’s right, a crusade for justice! I will carry the shield of good and ride the horse of righteousness across the fields of moral battle, and will not stop until the barbarians of evil have been…

Villareal [Whispered]: Sam!

The Crusader: …vanquished by the sword of, um, of good-doing!

[Audience: laughter]

Villareal [Whispered]: Oh god…cut the feed! Larry, cut the feed!

The Crusader: And now, I slip the bonds of earth to go and bring justice to the world! [shouting] Tally-ho!

[The Crusader leaps into flight, one arm extended in a fist]

[Video feed is cut]

---------------------

EXCERPT, “Where Are They Now,” People Magazine, 14 NOV 2014

It’s been five years since T2M’s press-conference disaster, when a brand-new member went embarrassingly off-script and flew off the stage. This week, People asks, where are you now, Sam “The Crusader” Hill?

I’m sure that most readers here have seen, if not the original press conference, at least video clips; they are a perennial favorite at OpNet comedy sites. The Crusader striding out onto the stage like a blonde god, bright blue eyes beaming above a blindingly white smile. That majestic, deep voice rumbling out in thanks. And then the whole conference going down the tubes as he wandered off into a bizarre monologue, the type of thing one would expect from a 1950’s comic book. Utopian PR Director Maria Villareal looking like she wanted the floor to drop out from under her…or at least out from under the big idiot at the microphone. And finally, the ignominy of the cut connection and dead air.

Beyond that almost legendary bit of unintentional comedy, most people know little or nothing about The Crusader; T2M never released another word about him, and inquiries at the time by the press were universally rebuffed. However, that was then and this is now. People has learned some details of The Crusader’s past, and even of his present.

Samuel Hill was born on June 14th, 1989, in Middleburg Heights, Ohio. He excelled at athletics, if not academics; his high-school football career was apparently disrupted at several points due to near-failing grades in math, science, history…even wood shop. However, with intensive tutoring, Sam did manage to graduate, and his skill on the football field was undeniable. Indeed, the fall after graduation, Mr. Hill was a freshman at Ohio State, paid for with a full-ride athletic scholarship.

It was at Ohio State that Sam Hill experienced his eruption, on Oct. 14th, 2009. In the words of Matt Pearson, his roommate and sole witness to the event, “Sam was stoned in the tub while I getting cleaned up for a date. He said something about how neat it would be to fly – he was always throwing stuff like that around when he was smoking – and then I saw him in the mirror just float up out the tub. It was just nuts. He kinda realized it after a minute, and said – and I’m not making this up – ‘That’s a heck of a thing.’ I mean, the guy is flying in the bathroom, and that’s what he had to say! I ran to get the RA, and when I came back, he was on the phone, wrapped in a towel and he looked like a supermodel or god or something. I guess he was talking to T2M; he threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and just flew out the window. I only found out later that he went to the Rashoud clinic or whatever in New York. I mean, he freaking flew to New York!”

The New York Rashoud Facility refused all comment for this article. However, a number of eye-witnesses have been located, confirming that a young man in jeans and Ohio State T-shirt was seen landing in front of the facility that evening. The next time he was seen, Sam Hill was The Crusader…and was almost immediately the laughing-stock of the nation.

T2M and Project Utopia still refuse to comment on what may have happened to The Crusader. And there has certainly been no end of speculation by pundits, nova-watchers, and late-night talk show hosts over the years. However, People has it on good authority that Sam “The Crusader” Hill is still a member of T2M North America to this day, though he is kept almost completely out of the public eye. Apparently, the buff nova with comic-book delusions is just about indestructible, and is simply too great an asset for T2M to cut entirely loose…or too great a potential threat to not have under their thumb, depending on your point of view.

Recent reports have been made, however, of an unknown nova in T2M colors and matching the physical description of Sam “The Crusader” Hill. These reports and sightings are invariably of group operations, and are almost exclusively away from major population centers. Team Tomorrow continues to refuse comment.

---------------------

EXCERPT, “Where Are They Now Updates,” People Magazine, 2 JAN 2016

By now, most of America knows that there's a new member of the Windy City Knights, but People feels it necessary to provide this update to our report of Nov. 14th, 2014.

Sam “The Crusader” Hill, long missing from the public radar after his disasterously comical entry into Team Tomorrow back in 2009, is now a Knight...though we have to ask the question: why? The WCK has no official affiliation with T2M or Project Utopia, but one has to wonder if the globe-spanning nova organization has decided to take the pressure off of the Knights in exchange for some high-level "baby-sitting".

Once thing is certain, however: The Crusader hasn't changed a bit. On the handful of occasions where he has spoken directly to the press, the metaphors have been just as mixed - and just as unintentionally funny - as they were when Utopian PR Director Maria Villareal was his hapless handler.

Can the Windy City Knights survive the potential PR nightmare? Or will he provide a welcome distraction from some of the more controversial efforts of that organization that have been rumored in recent weeks? Only time - and People - will tell.