All right, kiddo, you were a burn victim. That sucks. And hey, I'm glad you got a second chance at having something like a normal life. No foolin'. But what, you never watched television? You have all the practical sense of a fucking crashlanded Martian; you'd think that even in your hypoallergenic bubble you might have noticed that people are sometimes crude sons of bitches and that we all like getting it on.

Anyway, I refuse to believe you don't strum the pink banjo, and may whatever imaginary sky-daddy you pray to have mercy on the pink tick that must be about to burst from a decade of pent-up fury that is the little man in your boat if you don't. But hey, if you're being serious, I'd be happy to come out and show you how. No charge, even. That's just the kind of giving, wonderful fucking human being I am.

Flirting? Shit, I'm at full staff right now, sugar.

So...Danzig Smurf, Chillbean, and Deus Ex Mouthy are ganging up on the asexual newcomer? Sweet.

Don't worry Contessa, took me awhile to figure it out. You just have a big ol null entry when it comes to the hotpants section of the brain. I know someone like that. Sorry for coming off like such a dick.

Your apology is most certainly accepted. Thank you Trooper for atempting to be a gentleman.

Did Lon Chaney hit the nail on the head? Contessa, are you asexual? I doubt many here will be able to comprehend that. They live by their loins.

No. I'm just like any other woman, I suppose. Everything's where should be, I guess. I've just not been as active in 'the real world' as long as the rest of you have since my accident prevented me from interacting with others in a 'normal' fashion. The only 'friends' I've ever really had were the people I've chatted with online and my guildmates on the MMORPG I play (which my chatacter is totally made of win and awesome, I've almost collected my entire 'Reclic Armor' set... YAY!).

I'm still excited every day when I wake up that I might get to go somewhere new, and see something new, or meet someone new. It's all still so wonderful.

I know the expression of human sexuality is a natural thing, that doesn't bother me, much, but it's not like life comes with an instruction manual and Mommy and Daddy never really thoguht conversatinos like this were going to be ones I'd need to know. But The Machrevenmiester Monster here certainly makes it less and less attractive of an endeavor every time the collective posts.

At this rate I'll be a nun by Friday.

*hands Contessa an invitation to the next Queer Nova Alliance meeting* Here ya go, sweetheart. Just remember, you don't have to be what everyone expects you to be.

By the way, Machina, you're so CUTE when you get all Hunter S. Thompson on us.

Tessa,

If you're turned off by realistic-looking anatomy, then perhaps I could be of assistance.

I'll vouch for Mithril.

Enough pickin' on Tessa.

But to get this thread back to my worst date story... It was back in '13; I was dying to get with this Terat I knew named Belladonna. She makes poisons, specifically organic ones. Anyway, she's really not interested, cause of the lesbian thing. I didn't believe her, and she finally decided to make a point of proving it to me.

She agrees to go to a party with me, and I'm thinking this is my shot. I'm so sure of it that I've already planned which positions we're going to go through by the end of the night. And she is with me the whole time; flirts like crazy and I'm so in.

We get into the hotel room, we both get naked at her prompting... and two of her girlfriends pop out of the closet. And one of them has the ability to immobilize people.

They fuck for ten hours straight, and I have to watch it, but I can't join in or even releave the pressure, cause the immobilize bitch keeps hitting me with it. And when they dress and leave, Bella kiss me on the forehead and says, "Thanks for the awesome night, stud."

So now, I believe a woman when she says she's a lesbian.

Hey Sean..you know, I don't think we have met, we are not on the same age range, we are not the same nationality or backgrounds......but damnit! I can try to empathize with you over that.

How did you manage to escape the emotional scarring?

No, no, Polymath. The emotional scarring came later, with me. Don't believe me? Just ask him.

Well, first, I went out and found a warm hole to release the pressure before I lost consciousness. And not long after, I hooked up with the girl I almost married. She was very good at consoling men, back in those days.

Ah, but that was back in those days. These days, I'm under official orders from the Movement not to get involved with other Terats. It seems that my significant interests have this disturbing tendancy to go... soft.

"Official" orders? From who? I hadn't realized we'd made anything really official yet.

"Bad Date"?

Of course not.

Ah, yes, a penis joke. How original.

It was a bit of a joke, Hugin. Then again, humor was never my forte.

I suppose that the closest to a "bad date" I have had was when Satyr stood buck naked in front of me and invited me into a shower-tent orgy. I turned him down.

Worst date? One word:

Edward.

"Live by their loins"? Fuck me, Huggy, who writes your material, Paglia? How fucking dare we desire to serve our fucking biological purpose, right? You know, all your pedantic "rise above petty baseline mores", "ain't we neat" nova bullshit still breaks down when you realize that the perpetuation of your useless, arrogant, dipshit species is still dependent on novas fucking. In that, you're as colossal a goddamn failure as most of the fucking lottery apes here. Enjoy your evolutionary dead end, you narcissistic turd.

You know, I'd post my worst date so far but it really doesn't live up to the crappy love lives you guys have been talking about and in the end i'd just be giving Machina (and others here) ammunition to mock me. I think I can live without that attention.

Non-participation doesn't exclude you from the shit-storm, Tempest. Trust me.

Also... by posting that little disclaimer, I think you're going to get shot by Machina and the Mocking-jerks anyway. If you're going to keep your head down, you have to keep it down, my friend.

I haven't had a date, bad or otherwise. The closest I got was when I planned to ask my high school crush to go to the XWF with me. But before I asked, I heard him making fun of me with another jock asshole. So I beat the shit out of both of them and went with my uncle instead.

Max and I have done stuff together, of course, but none of that time has been bad. So there's my bad non-date story.

I got nothin', kid. Frankly, I don't find you that fucking offensive.

That's good to know Machina.

Such machismo. You've made me moist. Take me.

I'm in an odd mood, today. Perhaps it's the months of isolation at work, but I'll share for this one.

A bloke I didn't particularly fancy tried to rape me, once, while I was tutoring him. While by no means a date, it was one of the more unpleasant experiences of my life, and marks the last time I've had any noteworthy contact with men.

I'm rather affraid to ask, but morbid curiosity demands I know.

What exactly do you mean?

Ms. Newcastle, I hope your student was adequately punished for his actions. Ladies shouldn't have to worry about man acting that way.

That's some fuckin' insight, right there. I suppose you've also got a bumper sticker denouncing the evils of AIDS, right?

Seriously, does this sensitivity shtick work on anyone outside the fourth fucking grade?

I would say something here, but I think Hugin has covered the best possible expression of my sentiments.

As for my worst date, well...

You know, I don't think I've actually had a bad date. There were some mediocre ones, where we simply didn't click and decided to part ways on amicable terms, but no disasters. Small embarassments that make me smile to remember now, and quite a few joys also.

Sorry it's not exactly in the spirit of the thread, but that's my sum experience of dating. Overall it's been fun for me, both as a Human and a Nova.

I know some very hard types who give steep discounts to educate "blokes" like that. Real steep.

I'll take a stab in the dark.


She's hump-happy and doesn't look like your standard human. Being all metallic-y and smooth y'know.