It was a beautiful day. The birds lamentious, morning songs echoed across the park. Laughter, from a group of children, added to the peaceful atmosphere. The Spring dew clung to the grass; a glistening latticework of the previous nights chill.

Why he was here, Joe didn't know. He was not even sure how he got to this place, but it was the strangest of places. He felt no anger or animousity towards the joyous children who played near him. In fact, they showed no notice of his monstrous form, and did not run screaming away like they usually did. Joe felt the hairs on his neck rise, as he began to sense that something was wrong. This is not the way things were supposed be.

Joe decided that he would confront the children directly. It was possible that they failed to notice him. Joe rose from the cold wet grass and walked towards the kids. As he approached, a small girl looked directly at him and smiled.

"Hi, my name is Abigail. What's yours?" she said to him in an innocent and pleasant voice.

He couldn't form coherent words. He was stunned at this girls boldness and kindness. "Urk...Ugga...Uhh...Huh?"

*****

"Blapppphhhh...phh..pbbb!!!"

Violent flatulance shook Rat awake. His sheets were soaked with sweat. He looked around him and let out a relieved sigh. It had only been a nightmare.

"Jesus Christ Rat!" Came an irritated voice from nearby. "Are you trying to wake the whole compound!"

"It must have been that Taco Bell from last night." Joe snickered. "It always makes my sphincter sing the next morning. I hope you brought your gasmasks though, because that colon-opera smells like a dead gopher."

"Aww, man..you suck" came the reply from Barbed-Wire in the bed near him. "I'm outta here. I'm going to find a nice dumpster to sleep in. It will smell better than your ass." A brief flash of light and Barbed-Wire was gone. He had teleported away.

I love doing that Rat smiled to himself, as he inhaled the putrescent scent into his nostrils. "Oh Yeah, that's what I like."

Rat extricated his naked, misshapen body from the bed, and walked into the bathroom to clog the toilet with last night's digested Mexican food. He sat on the toilet and got down to business.

About five seconds went by and there was a loud shreek next to him. Rat shot up from the toilet just as the 'gopher' was poking its head out its hole. He ended up shitting all over his leg from the shock. A visibly shaken Barbed Wire stood next to him.

"What the fuck, Barbie!" Joe yelled at him "You scared the shit out of me...and now it's all over my leg!"

"Joe...there's millions of them...they are blotting out the sun...They are shooting everything!" Barbed stammered. "I teleported to Chicago, and I looked up...and...and. Christ, man...it's an invasion."

Rat was looking at the shit-clogged fur on his leg, as Barbie told his tale. When Barbie finished, he looked up at him. "Really?" Joe smiled. "So why does that concern me?"

Barbed calmed down, his sharpe, metal-filled mouth still trembling. "Because Joe, they are killing everyone. They are slaughtering baselines, by the tens of thousands."

"What?!!" Rat exclaimed in an astonished squeal.

Then, Rat's face became visibly enraged. He realized that some stranger was going to deny Joe his revenge against humanity. "Oh no they don't!..it is my destiny to destroy the baselines. I will not allow someone else that honor."

Heartland was on full alert. Not because the compound itself was under seige, but because the town above was threatened. A group of twenty or so Harvesters had gone to the surface to combat any invaders. They expected an attack as soon as the Zepplin army finished with the larger population centers.

Joe had spent much of the last two hours strategizing. He formulated a plan to defend Heartland, and to launch a counterstrike against this new threat. He had no time to bathe, and had to endure snide taunts during his briefing. "Old Ratty needs Depends" and "It's his new scent..he calls it Eau De Sewer?" and "Eww, I hope those are brownies on his leg" were heard often from his associates. Each comment brought peals of laughter from the group. Joe was far too focused on his ultimate objective to let the others' teasing bother him.

Soon Rat was heading out to execute his part of the plan. The smell, from his earlier 'accident', was not as strong as it had been. Unfortunately, it had now dried to his fur. I was matted into an irritating cluster of brown dingleberries that ran down the length of his right leg. To Joe, however, there were more important things on his mind.

Soon Joe reached his destination. It was roughly 50 miles from the compound, and it stood innocently in the middle of a government corn field. With the US Military on high alert, they would not notice a small white figure entering one of their ICBM silos.

After flowing himself into the missile silo, he resolidified. Nomally there would be a small crew, but at ths moment, it was deserted. While he had all the time he needed, he was motivated to complete it quickly. The longer he took, to complete his task, the fewer humans would be alive for him. He planned to eliminate these invaders, as quickly as possible, and eliminate any surviving baselines as well. Then Rat would have his 'Final Solution'. The nuclear warhead would achieve that goal.

Joe was good at making bombs, and building circutry to detonate them. This however, was entirely different. It was far more technical than just simply inserting a detonator into an explosive compound. What he was trying to do, was bypass fail-safe mechanisms, and rewrite the circuitry. Even with diagrams it was time consuming and tedious work.

Rat found himself humming a little tune while he worked. (sung to 'Oh Suzanna'):

'twisty-twisty-twisty, a working I will do
soon blow them all to smitherines, oh what a happy day
first a bright flash, then humans breathe no more
gonna vaporize some blimps today, and watch them burn with glee'
Oh twisty-twisty-twisty, red and green and black
Gonna build a bomb to kill them all
and talk a lot of smack'

After another hour and a half, Rat set down his tools and smiled with satisfaction. It was done. He had re-wired a 15 megaton warhead to a cell phone. It would detonate when the phone rang.

Joe grabbed the warhead and lifted it off the table. The popping sound from his lower back told him that it was too heavy for him to carry. He tumbled backward, while hugging the warhead, and landed flat on his back, with the entire weight of the nuclear device, slamming against his colon and bladder. The sticky, smelly and warm puddle, now underneath him, told him all he needed to know. It's going to be one of those days he thought to himself, as he shook his head in disbelief.

After what seemed like an eternity, Joseph, cussing the whole time, was finally able to drag the warhead out of the silo. He had left a muddy trail of feces all the way to the surface. In addition to the leaking, infected pustules on his skin that always stuck to his clothes, he was now sweating. Joe began to wonder if all of this was worth the trouble. Images of horribly burned humans brought him back to task.

The roads leading to Chicago were empty. It looked like no-one was heading into the population centers. Soon, it became apparent why. Large holes had been blasted in the outbound roads. Evidently, the invaders wanted to prevent people from leaving the city. It wasn't terribly effective, however, because refugees just used the other side of the road to flee the carnage in Chicago. Luckily for Rat, all of them were on foot.

"Look at all those people!" Rat said maniacally, with a large grin on his face. Slowly he edged his car off the road towards the mass of humanity on the other side of the road. "Vroom! Vroom! Here I come, smile monkeys, it's time for fun."

He stepped on the gas, accelerating the Humvee he stole from near the silo. He aimed the vehicle at the long line of people leaving Chicago. Pumping his fists out the window, Joe shouted. "Oh Yeah, time to earn your pay Whitie!"

The bodies made a satisfying pop underneath the Humvees's independent suspension. This was due to the height of the vehicle's bumper. This meant that most of those struck, were driven underneath the vehicle. Sometimes the person was dragged underneath the wheels, and othertimes they slapped off the bumper onto the pavement underneath. Occasionally, a body would fly upward, and onto the hood, where Rat would smile and wave to them before jerking the wheel to toss them off.

In his side mirrors, he could see a trail of bodies stretching off into the distance. Those who were not struck, seemed to ignore the dead and injured. Is the carnage that bad in the city, that these zips are jaded towards death? What fun is running over people when no-one even cares. Joe clenched the stering wheel so hard, that the blood undernath made his hands pink. After 30 minutes of 'Operation: Human Hamburger', Joe became bored. If he hit people now, it was purely incidental. Getting to Chicago was now his top priority. The invaders were going to pay for what they did to Joe. They took all the fun out of my life...Now that these pathetic organisms are no longer frightened of death.

In the distance he saw a dark cloud. As he got closer, the cloud looked more like a swarm of bees.

"Thunk!" A body exploded against the Hummer's bumper. from what Joe could tell, it was the torso of a tall man. As the top half of his body went up against the window, it got stuck against the windshield. The man, still alive, stared at Joe. He was expressionless, and his mouth gulped for air like a fish out of water.

Rat was annoyed that this man would have the audacity to obstruct his view of the invaders. "Get off my hood!" Joe shouted to the man. "Get the hell off my car!". The man didn't respond. Joe began to gesticulate for the man to get off his car, but all the man did was gulp and stare. "Alright, if that's the way you want to be!"

Rat turned on the wipers. He hoped they would push the man off the car. Unfortunately, all they proceeded to do was smack into the man's face.

"Fuck it!" Joe growled, as he slammed on the brakes. The man's body catapulted off the front of the vehicle and onto the highway. Joe was infuriated now. Everything and everyone was getting in his way.

"I'll show you. I fucking show you!" Joe quoted loudly from one of his favorite movies, as he stomped on the accelerator. There was a satisfying "crunch" as the man's skull was pulverized underneath the Hummer's massive wheels. Surprisingly, he now felt a little better.

Joe continued his trek towards the city. He actually avoided the people on the road, when it wasn't too much effort to do so. He didn't want some schmuck jumping onto his windshield again. Soon he could make out individual shapes within the cloud.

Holy crap! There's a lot of them.

There were thousands, if not tens of thousands of blimps over Chicago. Joe became excited at the prospect of vaporizing them. He didn't have the raw power of other nova, who he was sure were fighting the invaders. But what he lacked in brute firepower, he more than made up for in intellect and tactical abilities. His plan was enter one of the sewers in Niles, Il, and head to the heart of Downtown Chicago. Waiting for him, were some of his old aquaintances.

As he reached the suburbs, he heard it. At first he though a pair of cats were in the throes of high-pitched mating. Then as he got closer, he realized that it was a woman's voice being blared from the blimps. It was torturous in its incessant pleadings and whinings. Please God, make it stop! Rat screamed in his mind, as he banged his forehead on the steering wheel. He already had enough problems with voices in his head, the last thing he needed now, was some simpering baseline caterwauling to make things worse.

After an eternity of banging the music out of his head, he reached the entrance to the sewar. There, looking quite miserable were a dozen of Chicago's finest...homeless bums. While they swayed hypnotically to the music, they also looked as if they were in agonizing pain. Joe got out of the Hummer and immediately started issuing commands. The bums just stood there staring at him.

"Ok you mindless zombies, snap out of it", Joe yelled at a volume higher than the hellish sound that permeated him to the bone. A second or two later, the transients shook their heads and started looking at one another. "Stop your drooling and get over here to unload this thing."

The smelly pack of unwashed figure shambled over to the Humvee and started unloading. They placed the warhead on a plastic sled and dragged it down into the Chicagoland sewer system. Joe put his nose into the air and inhaled deeply. He had fogotten how much he missed the smell.

"Grab those ropes and start pulling", Rat snarled to his homeless gang. They quickly grabbed the six ropes in teams of two. At the same time, Joe hopped up on the warhead, straddling it with his two legs. He grabbed a large feather boas off one of the female street rats, and using it as a whip, yelled, "Mush!"

It must have rained recently because the storm sewers had water in them. Every once in awhile the tip of the sled would encounter a deeper patch of water. When it did, a large wave of dank water would splash upward and onto Joseph. He didn't mind too much, because he needed to shower.

"Mush!" Rat yelled, as the now soaked feather-boa lashed the bums like a wet noodle. "Do you want to stay down here all day, or do you want to get paid? I will make you the wealthiest pack of street-shit that Chicago has ever seen. Muuush!"

The White Rat's scrawney and wrinkled legs still strode the 10 megaton warhead. He remembered the scene from Dr. Strangelove, and thought that his situation was similarly ironic. He didn't plan on dying with it however, but he had an urge to yell. "Yeeeee Haaawwww!"

*****

He was driving an ammo cart across the Texas Panhandle. It was being pulled by a team of cattle.

"Git along little doggies! We ain't got much time left 'till nightfall." The White Rat said in a thick Texas drawl. "The boss ain't gonna be nun too happy with you, if we's not get there in time. There be bandits we needin' to take care of."

They were in a hurry, and the trail was dusty and the air painfully dry. But it looked like the team pulling the wagon wasn't going to listen. They were cows afterall. He decided that he would sing a tune appropriate to the occasion.

"Rollin', Rollin' Rollin'
Get them doggies Rollin'
Rawhide."

Suddenly the team stopped. What the hell!

"Excuse us, Mr. Rat", one of the cows turned around and spoke. "But we would appreciate it, if you didn't sing."

"What?!...How?!...How are you able to speak?" A flabberghasted and awe-sruck Rat replied. "Your not supposed to be able to talk."

"I can speak, and so can the rest of us. We have always been able to talk." The bovine responded sarcastically, as the rest of the cows turned in his direction.

"Yes, we can all talk" the others replied in unison.

Each time the cows spoke to him, he could clearly see their mouths forming the words. With everything he knew about animals though, only humans could form such words. his mind began processing and questioning. Could all the scientists, and even all of human history, have been that narcissisticaly arrogant, as to deny animals the ability to speak? Maybe they could speak, but choose not to. Yeah, that must be it. Maybe they can think too?

"Can you think too?" A now uneasy Joe spoke, his voice trembling in nervous revelation.

"Of course we can think." A female cow replied. "Some of us can still do math, and read a book, some of us can even drive a car."

"B-B-But how?" Rat replied. He was starting to feel lightheaded.

"The same way you do." The female Holstein replied. "What do you think we are? Cows?"

With that, Joe passed out.

"Are you ok Mr. Rat?" he heard a voice saying. "Are you ok?"

A filthy, white, fur covered beast began stirring in the sewers. First his legs began twitching, and then an arm. finally its eyes opened.

"What happened?...Wait, I remember...Uh..never mind." Joe stated flatly as he sat up. He must have been lying in the murky runoff from the city's gutters, because his entire left side was soaked. He looked around to see if his sled-team was still there. They were.

"Now that that is over, lets get moving." he sneered to the filthy pack of street people. He began to think what they might say about him, after the mission was completed. He would take care of them when the time came.

The journey to the heart of Chicago commenced once again, albeit without the feathered boa, which had disappeared into the murky waters of the sewer. After an hour, they reached the correct location. Now it was time to plant the device.

He crawled up the ladder, to the manhole at street level. When he opened it, he could see the devastation being wrought by the invading Zepplins. Entire building were stripped of their outer-walls, providing views of each individual office and apartment. Bodies were strewn about the street, by the hundreds. Cars were burning, and the sounds of people screaming could still be heard. He snarled under his breath, as rage began to well up inside him. I will not let you get away with this!

The music was so loud, that it hurt the ears. Joe wondered how many people died from the sound alone. Then he noticed several figures flying in the air, above where he was going to plant the nuke. They looked to be fighting the invaders. He watched silently for a few minutes as they flew back down to their headquarters, and switched teams. Joe noted that they expended additional energy trying to protect further lives and property. That is a good strategy, but ultimately a failed one. They should not be worrying about collateral damage. Joe's rational, and tactical mind was working, as he looked for the advantage he needed.

It came as they were switching out teams. He yelled back down to the sewer-crew, to get to the top with the ropes. They scrambled to the the surface, and began to haul out the nuke. It took exactly 5 miutes to get the weapon to the surface, at which the first team he observed, was not heading back into the fight. So, the Knights have only six member's left. For Joe, this meant his job would be much easier. When they made the exchange, Joe would sneak into their headquarters and dispatch the two inside. When the other two, who had just been fighting, returned, he would take care of them. By the time the next shift change happened, there would be only two spent nova for him to deal with.

The next exchange was going to happen. Joe waited around the corner for the right moment. "Time to party," Rat said with an evil grin.

He ran around the corner, just out of view of the four Nova who were in the mddle of a shift change. The front entrance was blasted away and Joe entered easily. There, in the middle of the lobby, was a makeshift command post. The two WCK members who were there, had enough time to register who entered their building, before Joe sucked away their dexterity. Their bodies collapsed into a heap. Joe quickly scanned them for their powers and abilities, and touched one. He gained their powers for a short time.

When the next crew arrived, they looked confused as to where their partners were. Once agan, Joe let out a wave of vampiric energy. They too, collapsed into a heap. This time though, he could feel one of them probing at the recesses of his mind. I wonder if I should let them in?

it took only ten seconds to scan the other two to determine that they were trying to communcate, and not trying to hurt him. He opened up the wall, he set up in his mind, and allowed them in.

Why are you doing this? Are you working for the invaders? the female voice echoed in his mind.

Of course not, I want to destroy them. Joe thought back. I believe our interests coincide this one time

Then help us! she pleaded. The city needs your help. All of humanity needs your help.

Fuck humanity..the only reason I am here, is to destroy those infernal blimps. They are killing all the humans. Who will be left for me to experiment on, and to torture, if they kill them all. Joe's diseased mind was open to the other Nova, and she could see the sickness. She could also see what his plan was.

Your'e a monster! her mind screamed at him. You would destroy everything and everyone because your'e jealous.

Of course. Rat thought back, as he bowed. Envy is the most common reason that someone seeks to destroy another. With that, Joe shut her out of his mind.

Joe was humming to himself, as he bound the last of the Knights. They were all helpless to stop him, having all their dexterity drained from them. To make them see what he was doing, Rat made them all face him. Every so often, Joe would stop his humming and admonish his captives for being to loud. In reality it was the shrill voice of that harpy being blasted from the zepplins.

Soon...very soon.

Joe heard an explosion and some screaming from outside. A blast of concrete dust and sticky human-by-products blew into the front room of WCK headquarters. Joe smiled at his captives, as he licked sticky red stuff from his fingers. "Now see what you've done." Joe said to the bound group in annoyance. "You have gone and gotten my helpers killed." Joe sucked the red goo from his fingers and smacked his lips as if he was sampling a soup. "Yep, it was my helpers"

"Oh well, I'll just have to bring it in on my own." Joe said as he leaned over the six bound Knights. "But first I need to borrow a few things. You don't mind do you?" Joe leaned in further to listen to the gagged prisoners. "What was that...It would be your honor. Why thank you."

Joe pushed out a cloud of quantum leeching gas. It soon enveloped everyone. Rat could feel his quantum energies returning. He then reached down and touched the strongest looking of the group and imprinted his powers. "there, now I don't need my helpers anymore. Not like I was going to let them live anyways, but hey..You gotta do what needs to be done."

Joe left the building to retrieve the warhead. His helpers had been obliterated by a lightening ray. Charred bits of flesh stuck to the building and the bomb. Joe reached down and picked the warhead up with one hand and went back inside.

Eyes widened, as Joe set the nuke down in front of the captives. They seemed frightened of the device, but Joe reassured them in a loving tone. "It is what you want? Right?...You want to destroy the invaders?" He noticed tears flowing down the face of one of the female captives. "How sweet!" Joe exclaimed with a genuine smile on his face. "I have moved you to tears. No need to thank me." Joe paused in contmeplation, before adressing the group "You know. There is something you can do for me, as payment for my help. I would like you to keep an eye on this firecracker. Do you think you can handle it?"

Leaning over again, Joe listened to their response. Every few seconds Rat nodded his head and gave them verbal feedback: "Yes..I see." "That makes perfect sense." "Really, I hadn't thought of that?"

After ten minutes of conversing with his bound, gagged and helpless audience, Joe rose and walked over to the bomb. He opened up the top panel and pressed a few buttons. A red light began flashing. "Well, I'd love to stay and talk philosophy, but I have a date." Joe began walking towards the entrance. When he reached the threshold, he turned around for one last farewell. "I will always remember you guys. You have helped me so much." As Rat said these words, real tears flowed from his eyes.

*****

In a warehouse, several blocks from the WCK headquarters, Joe waited. After what seemed like an eternity, a hole in the fabrick of space opened, and Barbed wire stepped through.

"Did you get done what you needed, Oh Smelly one?" Barbie jibed at Rat.

"I sure did," Rat said with an evil grin on his face. "Can we get out of here? Because I need a shower."

A warp opened again and both of them stepped through to the quiet town where the day began. Joe looked around and noticed that there were buring blimps all around the outskirts of town.

"It looks like you guys had a fun day." Rat said to the sharp metallic nova. "Did anyone get hurt?"

"We lost a few members." Barbie said with a frown. His expression changed instantly to a smile. "The zeppelins didn't stand a chance." A confused look overcame Barbies face. "Since when did you ever care about someone else."

"Let's just say, that today was very cathartic." Joe replied

"Which reminds me, I have a phonecall to make."