I recently found out my sister is pregnant. After some hesitation, I'm estatic. I'm helping out - I gave them some money that belongs to the baby (they're holding in trust, to use on things for the baby), and I'm trying to help them get an apartment. They don't have much money - she's a public school teacher and he's still in college.

The problem is that she now says I'm being pushy and butting into her life. This kinda hurts - as I told her, she's the only one of us that can have a baby, and I want to be sure it's got every advantage.

So I'm wondering, do you guys have any advice? I know that not everyone retains ties to their baseline family. But for those of you that do, how can I know if I am being too nosy or if her hormones are making her nuts?

I'm going to make a few assumptions... If any are incorrect, let me know and I can amend this.

1. Your sister isn't far along in her pregnancy. (I had a friend that hid her 3rd pregnancy from her family for 7 months so that might not be safe.)

2. Mom and Dad have been a family for a while.

3. They didn't know much longer than you have. (Because if it's the first, then there's a huge amount of excitement and a desire to let the everyone know quickly).

Sorry, but the hormones secreted during pregnancy aren't generally going to make someone nuts. Having said that, they can be powerful mood altering drugs and they should never be underestimated. In general, they're far more likely to enhance natural, pre-existing traits than create new ones.

Several things that you've said though point out a conflict of perspectives.

You want to help out and have given them money and are looking for an apartment. How much money? How does it relate to her/their salaries? As a Nova, we can make large sums of money and take it somewhat for granted. It's possible you both have different views of what 'some' is. A few hundred or maybe a few thousand dollars might be very reasonable, over five or ten thousand dollars while appreciated, could seem excessive.

You're looking for an apartment for them. Do they have an apartment already? Is it big enough? Do they know if they're going to continue living where they are now or move? Some people want to move to someplace 'good for kids' rather than stay where they are. Are they going to be able to afford a bigger apartment on their income?

Now, are either of these things 'bad' even if you have gone overboard? No. The pushy comes from the other perspective.

They're having a baby, and thus expanding their family. There are a lot of things that they need to do. There are a lot of responsibilities that they are looking to face in the next few months. Are they aware of all of it? No, neither likely are you yet. There are things that they have to do as a family to get ready for this.

The use of They and Their was not accidental. While you're a part of their family, you're not a part of the newly changed and still forming Nuclear Family. (Mom/Dad/offspring). They need to have a chance to setup their own nest and deal with the news. A baby makes a lot of changes in a relationship, some marriages don't survive, others thrive. They have to be able to work things out now between themselves so that they know they're ready and able to take care of the baby when it arrives.

Is your sister a proud woman? If so, then be doubly careful, her natural pride is one of those things that might be enhanced by the hormones. You've made a first offer of help, back off, don't take it back, but let them tell you what help they need and when. Make yourself available to them on their schedule. That way they don't feel like you're trying to muscle in & take over Their family, but they know that the Family is still looking out for them. Like so many firsts, preparing for the first child is a BIG deal, don't forget that it's their big deal too.

Be very mindful of your sister's mood. It will fluctuate more than normal. There will be days that she'll be far more receptive to help, and others that she won't. The later stages of pregnancy are generally better for unsolicited help. Natural urges to get the home ready for the baby will likely hit both parents. (I'm going to be manly and fix this hole in the bedroom ceiling that I've left there for a year so the baby isn't bothered by a draft - paraphrased/emphasis mine).

In short, you're probably not being nosy. But she is a bit different than she was before the pregnancy started. It's not all hormones though. It's the expanding family, the extra responsibility and the fear of the unknown. Some of that doesn't go away, even after the first child because each pregnancy can be different.

Congratulations, to you and your sister's family.

And good luck.

Lou Anne

Well, I'm not a good guy for family. I hate my moms and pops. They suck.

But, you apparently don't hate Sis.

So....help her.

Don't force it on her but let her know you love the chick and you're there for her. And that she's not just making decisions for her now. The baby too. It can't say "Fuck yeah! Gimme da cash!" so she's gotta think about it for him/her/it.


Oh, and post #666 ! I fucking rock

[devil horns]!!!

You know you're being too nosy when someone cuts off your nose. Since you still have your nose, Carver, I doubt you're off base.

The issue truely is the Baseline/Nova divide. It's hard to look past, even in familial relations. Give what you can give, Carver. Advice is best given freely. But never compulsory.

Remember you're a Nova, she isn't.

Lou Anne: Some clarification is in order. My sister told Harry and I first; Mom and Dad haven't been told yet, because Mom is going to throw a fit about the lack of marriage issue. And yes, my sister and the baby's father are not married, and probably won't be until after the birth. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend until I found out about the baby!

My sister told me two days after her doctor confirmed it. She and the father met each other about eight months ago, and they've only been dating for four. She's about a month and a half along at this point.

The amount of money I gave them was... significant. Over the amounts you listed above. If they're careful, then they could live off of it. They won't; my sister likes her job, and the father is eagerly looking forward to his career, once he graduates from college.

The reason I mentioned the apartment is that they are looking for one to move into by the time the baby is born. Her apartment is a studio; he lives in the dormatory on campus. I was hoping that I could use some of my fame around this city to leverage them into a better place, but I think my sister was offended that I'd apply what she called 'good ole boyism' to get them something nice. I think she took what I said the wrong way.

And thank you for your thoughts Lou Anne. They were very helpful.

Lemmy: You do rock! Thanks for the advice, even if you don't share my experiences with family.

Samuel: Thanks for your words, though you've lost me a bit. In your second paragraph, you seem to be saying to be mindful of our differences and to be careful of her feelings, but your last statement seems to be more like you're reminding me that I'm the 'wise' one here, by being a nova. If I've misread, I'm sorry. Could you clarify, maybe?

I'd be happy to, Carver.

You see, Novas and Humans more and more have a hard time relating to each other. That is, by comparing the gulf of power that seperates us. It's hard for a Nova that has what would have been unimagined power pre-galatea to "come down" to a baseline level once it's known that Nova is who they are.

This isn't an issue of dorming town to talk to the mortals. It's simply the assumption of power that exists between our races.

Hopefully your sister will realize in you that you're just her sister, trying to help. Not a Nova trying to lord over her.

That's probably where the barrier is.

Mister Davidson this is a matter of of family and honor. There is no nova/baseline. There is family and there is not family.

Miss Carver did you know savings bonds can be in the names of the baby and the parents? The baby is can be taken care of in the far future. Yet mama and papa can use the bonds if there is a need in the now.

Cisco, I think you just told me to stay out of her business. Thing is I KNOW her. As far as I know, I and carver are still friends. Carver has been through a lot. I've even been entangled with some if it.

Another thing you must understand, is that I am just giving advice. Not a direct order. Before you start acting like an expert, realize you're a newcomer to all this.