I mena I like having friends but sometimes I want to walk down town and not get staired at.I want to go to a club and not get hit on by evrything moves.

I mena come on, just because I am show by myself doesn't mena I want to go home with someone. I mean I could be there for the music, right?

Anyone else have this problem?

I don't really patronize clubs with any frequency, but I get that kind of treatment when I just go grocery shopping! And totally, Cat, I know what you mean. It's part of why I enjoy places like Missoula, Marshalltown, and New Paltz so much.

Liberteen, come to Santa Cruz, really.We would have a blast. I have a few thing I have picked up that I think you would totally love.

I went to Santa Cruze once. Daddy took me there for vacation in '99. Very quaint..in a homely sort of way.

Would I go there now? Maybe. I'd like to see what the men of Santa Cruz think of me. Hey Cat...we should drive the guys crazy for a night.

I am up for a girl's night out.Just mind you... The girls will hit on us too.

The three of us, you mean? I'd be glad to, Cat! As long as Divine would mind my coming along.

No, because I don't call attention to myself. I act like a normal person I don't scream out for people to worship me like you all do. I'm quite happy as a result.

You're a monster!

For not prancing about like a whore? Begging for attention? This makes me a monster?

No, because you're an ignorant, myopic, hateful, murderous, vain, preening, sadist.

So, exactly what mind-breaking advice do you give the people whose mere existance draws attention to themselves? Let say, having a different colored skin?

Actually I'm well-educated. I possess a far more accurate world-view than you self-obsessed Americans. I don't think recognizing the abysmal flaws in others should count as "hatefull". I've never killed anyone before in my life, so murderous is hardly accurate. I recognize that I'm not particularly attractive or charming so vain seems a reach. Preening? How do you get preening? And finally, well, yes, kind of. When I did kill the little puppy I found after reading your post I did find some enjoyment in making its suffering as lengthy as possible. Did you know they could squeal so loud as to rupture their little throats?

Hey guys! If we don't believe in Alptraum, maybe he wont exist! Or we can at least stop acknowledging him.

Also, it's much easier to assume that everything Alptraum says is a bluff to get attention. Like a twelve year old OpNet gangster.


I fucking love the OpNet.

Yes all three of us. And maybe more. Mind you just girls. After all what is the point of a girls' night out if we brought da boys?

Um I go to shows and dance. I don't flirt.I don't really even talk to people unless they talk to me...but I have a hard time not talk tot people who talk to me....But then again, you probably live in a cave.

I prefer not to be reconized as much as possible, it would hurt my business if to many people knew who I was.

Hey, I don't talk to nutballs, never have. Why you all do is beyond me.

I don't watch television; this is the next best thing to sitcoms. Always has been.

Okay, now THAT makes sense.

Problem? Enjoy it while you can.

Okay, actually I'm beginning to think I do understand.

I just flew (airplane) out to SanDiego to my parent's house. I'm trying to get there a day early to make sure my stuff gets there and I can get set up. Now, on the one hand, this is cool, because I'm on my own without paying the bills.

However...I somehow got a crowd of people who I talked to on the flight who followed me to my place. I'm talking to these people, and they've got missing or injured relatives out here, they've got jobs to go to, they've got their own lives to lead. But they want to hang with me.

And some of the stories they tell...it's heartbreaking. But it's also deeply personal, and I'm twinging a bit inside as I'm hearing this stuff. It's like...have you ever had someone, out of the blue, strike up a conversation with you? And it turned out that they maybe have some problems, not scary stuff, but just regular problems, or they're lonely, and they decided to talk to you because maybe out of all the people around them, you looked like someone who'd actually listen to them? I've got that, but in aces and spades. Last count, I've got 35 "friends" I never met before the flight out here kinda camped out. Plus my crew.

And before anyone says, "Just dorm down, slapnuts!"...this is me making my puzzled monkey face at the screen, scratching my head and armpit. I'd dorm down if I could, but how? For some reason, it popped out but now won't go back in. And I'd feel fucking awful just chasing these people out, even if it is the best thing.

Okay, you are fucking with peoples minds, but its not on purpose ...

You apparently don't want your own Cult of Personality, so tell them to go. It's hard, but as you pointed out, they have lives outside of your own sphere of influence. Let them get back to them. Thank them for their time, try to remember their names as you say good-bye, and clear them out.

In short order, they will be back to their own lives and some may even be greatful. Get used to this being part of your life outside the monastery.

I ended up doing just that.

I felt so bad, but somehow I was able to word it real nice and everyone got the idea. There's a pile of phone numbers that's going into my handheld on my newly arrived furniture. (Thank you, furniture moving deities!) It's just me and my crew, and a few ladies who want to party, so it's looking like a much saner evening.

It's still a nice night. And I'm not nearly as tired as I thought I was. Still, the unpacking can wait. This is why the gods created sleeping bags and beanbags.

IMHO you did the right thing.

I agree with MisterE.

It was so surreal. I had people who were almost down to their last dollar offering to chip in for food. I'm like, "No! I can swing this, honest."

And sometimes I get the felling my Node's talking back to me. I keep trying to get these people on their way, and there's this little voice in my head saying, "Dude! Isn't this what you wanted, to be cool, to be the center of attention, to be liked and be like the life of the party?" And while that's true, I don't want people throwing their lives away to follow me like I'm the Grateful Dead. It's like my Node took everything I wanted and super-sized it, and now I'm getting sick.

Well, enough emo. There are people down there feeling hella worse than I am, and with better reason. It's just hard to get used to, is all.

Don't you have a concert to get to? Don't ride yourself so hard, kid. This shit isn't easy for any of us to understand.

Wow, just looking back on this, and it already seems like a lifetime ago. So much has changed so fast.

But I still get that, from time to time. I've taken to ordering food in, because I still get creeped out at the people who start following me around when I get into conversations with them. What's even eerier is when I notice people's pets or small children homing in on me. I walked into a pet store, and it was weird noticing how all the animals just fixated on me.

I'd hate to have to do the bodyguard and entourage things, but I'm starting to see why people do it.

Anyway, Catalyst, sorry to hijack your thread there.