Fish...barrel...me laughing so hard I'm in tears...yeah, there's Christmas joy to be had here after all!

Something tells me this dude is either a baseline fucking with us or a nova fucking with us. Whichever it is....Carry on. My Wayward Son. There'll Be Peace (and love, and joy) when you are done.

So I'm looking for a hate-spewing, tinfoil-hat-wearing member of the Inbred Nation, check. I'll start tasking my demon-worshipping minions toward finding you, Hermano.

NO!!!! I want him to be real!

They do say the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist...

I've been protested by the likes of Brother Maynard. I've also had some people approach me and tell me I'm an Angel of the Lord. I'm uncomfortable with either kind of attention.

Oh ,he's real. Even if this chimp isn't who he says he is, there are more than enough out there to take his place. Unevolved, and proud of it!

Emerald. Do not send demon-worshiping minions. Send the demon.

I always hunger.

His name is Mortamer Krebbs. He lives in Avondale, Arizona.

Killjoy! You're spoiling the thrill of the hunt.

Oh, God! He's probably that way-too-forward 15 year old girl who keeps plastering my Op Mail account with those weird-ass poems in real life! Ugh!

You hunt to slow.

You are spoiling my fun. I'm more the sip the wine than chug the beer type of girl when it comes to recreational sports.

Shooters and shot glasses have their place too, but thats a different kind of fun.

Letting lackeys do the hunt for you does your prey a disservice. If you want to hunt, be the hunter.

I think we hunt for different reasons, Primal.

And what does that have to do with it? Our reasons may differ, but the hunt is always the same.

The Predator and Prey.

There is never anything else but those two things. Differences have nothing to do with it.

Maybe she meant that your methodology is different? You seem more like the "chase it down and grab it with your bare hands" kind of guy. You know, a "do-it-yourself"er.

Her, less so, and she also doesn't seem to have developed a worldview or philosophy centered around predator v. prey. It seems more like an intellectual exercise or thrill-seeking on her part.

You are just not understanding me and I get that. You are okay as you are and I'm different. Keep believing whatever you want to believe.

Hey there Kittie, you uhh, like to 'do it' yer self?

Both. I'm better than Saint Nick, because I don't discriminate.

Oh, yeah. I'll bet you get all the ladies with lines like that.

And, yes. Yes I do.

On topic!
If I could do anything for Christmas, I'd spend one day not looking like some Asian cartoon-lover's wettest dream. I know, it's selfish, but when you're not one of the lucky novas who looks mostly "normal," it's a pretty big deal. As an alternative, I'd just have the whole city blanketed with snow for the day, so everyone would have to forget things like work and business and their busy schedules... relax, and cuddle up with each other.

I know, I know. "Think of the consequences!" Emergency response teams would be overloaded, hospitals would be overbooked, and insurance adjusters would be working overtime. Still, I like the idea of a nice, quiet evening with another warm body, where the outside world couldn't intrude because they were wrapped up with a warm body of their own.

Kittie, I think Christmas wishes are guilt-free.

I'd want my memory back and for people to remember me again.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I am and who I've become, I just know I've left something behind. I just don't know what.

There are things worse than dying, being forgotten I think marks up there pretty damn high.

I can understand the way you feel. Everytime I go outdoors, you would think Nesse got out of her lake and walked on land. It is a public spectacle.

For Christmas, I would like to be able to sit down with a cat on my lap. Alas, I fear that even the Christmas Spirit will not be able to let that happen.

That sounds pretty simple, actually. Are they afraid of you? If so, I might be able to help.

No Ms. Kittie, they are not afraid of me. I had two cats until shortly after my eruption. It is worse than that. An unfortunate side effect from my eruption is that my touch kills small animals. Plants fair no better.

Being able to caress a cat or dog, is now just a dream.

How awful! I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you able to... shut off your abilities for a while? If not, have you considered turning to pharmaceutical options?

No. How I wish I was able turn it off.

I doubt drugs will have any effect. My 'condition' is cause by a bad reaction my body has to quantum. Some scientists refer to it as 'Quantum Backlash Syndrome', or QBS. So unless an enterprising scientist comes up with a way of supressing QBS, I am stuck with my current condition.

Just to be on the safe side, I avoid babies too. I will not have something like that on my conscience. It may be safe for me to touch them, but if you were in my shoes, you might think twice. I won't risk it.

Me, I guess I wouldn't mind one Christmas dressing up as Santa for some event or another. I've heard it's hell, but maybe I could have some fun by making an impression on some kid about how much fun Christmas is.

Well, I've got the "loaves" part down, now I'd really dig it if I could figure out the wine part. That's what I'd like for Xmas.

Job?

It's Christmas.

After the New Year, sure.

You guys are just... scary.

And, Changeling, if I think of some way to help, I'll definitely be in touch!

Hey! I know a Mr.Krebbs, but he's harmless old man though, I doubt it's the same Krebbs.

I think for Christmas... I'd just be normal again. I liked my life how it was, ya know?

Kid, if you want to remain a secret nova (yes, I know that's an assumption) you need to work harder on it.

{Big bunch of Nothing ...}

Ah crap!

I doubt your parents can access these forums, Jaunt. Generally only novas, or the crazies who hack their passwords, find their way here.

Unless it's the crazies you're worried about...