He works down at The Pizza Pit
And he drives an old Hyundai
He still lives with his mom and dad
He's five foot three and overweight
He's a sci-fi fanatic, mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother him
That you need to see
Go check out Drew's Myspace!

'Cause online he's out in Hollywood
He's six foot five and he looks damn good
He drives a Maserati, and is a black belt in karate
And loves a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that Drew's mysterious
He tells 'em he don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day Drew can have a three-way... chat
With two women at one time.

Drew's so much cooler online

He gets home and kisses his mom
And she fixes him a snack
He heads down to his basement bedroom
And fires up his Mac
In real life the only time
He's ever been to L.A.
Was when he got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.

But online he lives in Malibu
He poses for Calvin Klein and been in GQ
He's single and he's rich
And he's got a set of six-pack abs that would blow our mind
It turns girls on that he's mysterious
He tells 'em he don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day Drew can have a three-way... chat
With two women at one time.

Drew's so much cooler online

When you've got his kind of stats
It's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But he grows another foot and loses a bunch of weight
Every time he logs in.

Drew's so much cooler online
Yeah, Drew's so much cooler online